Deaf Carer

 This entry is inspired by a new hashtag on twitter #WhatMakesACarerCry, every Thursday carers tweet what upsets them using the hash tag.  I decided that I was going to go with Self Care.   As far as I'm concerned this is the worse phrase on the planet.  If I had the time, money and the thing I wanted to do was legal there is no reason why I can't do something for myself, I don't need a label or reason for doing it other than I enjoy it.  I shouldn't have to justify it to someone else either so as far as I'm concerned if self care involves, reading, craft, walking, photography whatever, I don't need a label for it I do it because I enjoy it.  For this reason I see no reason whatosever why the term Self Care was ever invented.   As a deaf person I can see how a few things may come under self care but in a different meaning to what I've seen it used as recently, I'm defining it as care for my physical health:  Rest: If I'm lipreading or tr...

 You may think you have good intentions and you may not mean any malice but saying any of the following will feel like malice when your on the recieving end. Have a Rest; Yes because it's that simple I'll just go to bed it won't matter if medication is late or missed or someones sat in faeces/urine for three hours won't hurt it's not as if knowingly neglecting someone so they come to harm is a criminal offense oh wait yes it is...oh what a shame turns out I can't just go and have a rest after all.  Suggesting this shows lack of understanding, empathy, it's patronising because you seem to think I haven't thought of that and insulting that you think I would knowingly cause harm to someone. Have a day or trip out; Paying for the extra care neeeded at £30 an hour are you? No that's a shame because you earn a living wage as required by law unfortunately that doesn't apply to carers we earn pence per hour and free respite doesn't cover those who re...

 I was thinking about the things I really wish someone particularly a friend would say to me.  Admittidly once your a carer friends are few and far between but there are still dreams and those include: I'll hold the fort you shower; we don't need hours just twenty minutes to feel the hot water on our skin and wash our hair.  Ten minutes would do if your pushed for time, we don't need time to shave legs or deep condition our hair because nobody will notice if we do we just want to feel fresh and clean. Talk to us; we know we have nothing of interest to say ourselves but that doesn't mean that we don't want to hear what you are doing, just be careful not to rub it in and make us feel bad because your off on your 4th holiday of the year and we've yet to find the respite let alone energy to even go into the garden Offer to do chores; Don't worry 99% of the time we will tell you it's fine and do it ourselves but we may take you up on it if we are really stru...

 Today involved phone calls and as a lipreader I'm now exhausted.  I also feel guilty I've not had any exercise in two weeks, a combination of being so tired I was crying at absolutely everything but also due to an asthma attack.  I got home at the weekend and a neighbour had a bonfire.  I was struggling as soonas I got out the car but only got as far as the front door before collapsing I just couldn't walk any further. I crawled inside and sat inside the door for an hour with an inahler before dragging myself up the stairs to close the windows.  It took all night and then most of Sunday to not need an inhaler regularly.  Nagging in my mind is you should have sought medical help but I've seen all the warnings, 111 are overwhelmed with calls and 999 can't no longer cope and are not physically able to respond to calls anymore...so what was the point? I'd only be adding to their pain and that seemd cruel.  It also scared me because what if I called and th...

 Four walls, that's all I'm allowed to see, or that's all the professionals encourage me to see. Don't leave them alone...why? I have no idea why...my caree has a better memory than I do, can walk with a walking frame easy enoguh, remembers to take her own medication, granted struggles to get it out the packaging but if one dose is put in a sistema salad dressing tub she can do it herself. I don't understand this constant pressure to never leave her alone?  I also don't understand the pressure to get her to sleep for two hours in the afternoon, I've spent 14 LONG months trying to convince everyone it's not necessary for me to do 22 hours a day, if she stays awake in the afternoon she actually sleeps at night.   I can't quite decide if they are trying to kill me, have absolutely no concept of what caring means {although quite frankly as nurses and drs they darn well should} or if they are just being certain of job security by putting enough pressure o...

 Well this week is about raising awareness of carers.  So far on this blog I've discussed at length the lack of awareness from just about everyone from strangers to friends and even medical and social care professionals.  This week I've discovered one person, a friend, is very aware of my caring role, although that could be because I moan a LOT to her so for that I apologise.   Usually organisations such as Carers UK and Devon Carers choose a topic for carers week and there are events in the community that provide a break and places for both carers and carees to go too.  For the second time in a row the pandemic has stopped this.  Many carers and carees are still sheilding because there are no vaccines suitable for them.  The risk is still too great for us but it's okay because the rest of the country needs to move on: they need to have a holiday, they need to return to full time work because they don't have the option to have ideals such as those...

 As far as I'm aware in my long life of reading there are very few books where the protagonists are deaf or have hearing loss, nor are there many that have deaf or hearing loss characters.   Recently I read a book called The Silent House by Nell Pattinson.  It had the same premise most crime books have but with a twist...most people assume they would hear and wake if someone was in their house, if someone committed murder whilst you slept in the next room you would know wouldn't you?  I mean you'd hear the breaking of glass, the forcing of a door so you'd be able to alert the police, go and try to stop it....but what if you couldn't hear that? What if you can hear nothing....your profoundly deaf?  Or under the same guise what if you can hear some things but not all and still wouldn't hear someone entering your home? I won't give anything away but the book deals with a separated couple who share two children, the husbands new partner and their child.  A...