Things to say or do for a carer

 I was thinking about the things I really wish someone particularly a friend would say to me.  Admittidly once your a carer friends are few and far between but there are still dreams and those include:


  • I'll hold the fort you shower; we don't need hours just twenty minutes to feel the hot water on our skin and wash our hair.  Ten minutes would do if your pushed for time, we don't need time to shave legs or deep condition our hair because nobody will notice if we do we just want to feel fresh and clean.
  • Talk to us; we know we have nothing of interest to say ourselves but that doesn't mean that we don't want to hear what you are doing, just be careful not to rub it in and make us feel bad because your off on your 4th holiday of the year and we've yet to find the respite let alone energy to even go into the garden
  • Offer to do chores; Don't worry 99% of the time we will tell you it's fine and do it ourselves but we may take you up on it if we are really struggling.  It doens't have to be a deep clean but running around with the hoover and mop in ten mins can take an enormous amount of pressure off, the same goes for not commenting on the mess or how unclean the house is...for those of you with children remember what those chaotic first few days after birth were when you struggled to do anything?  That never ends for a carer.
  • Encourage them to vent and offload; not having to hide how much we are struggling will releive a lot of stres and can help you to understand just how difficult it can be.  It's good for carers physical health to share worries that stress them but also their mental health it can help them to feel less isolated if someone is trying to understand by listening to them
  • Facillitate a quiet hour; This might be apt for a deaf carer than every carer but for me I find an hour where I can turn off the tv that plays 12 hours a day, sit in a dimly lit or just quiet place with or without a book, blanket and drink can really help.  It doesn't have to be daily or weekly, once a month would do...it won't recharge us but it will presss pause and give us time to refresh and feel more capable once more.  
Okay as I wrote these I realised more and more how unlikely these things are but it was a nice dream whilst it lasted.

Comments

  1. samara naviSeptember 10, 2021 at 3:44 AM

    "I'll hold the fort"....wow. SO REASSURING! I'd love to hear this, without having to pay for that action. :(

    ReplyDelete

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